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About Me Deviant Member DarkLordJadowMale/United States Group group avatar #KRDK-Fanfiction
 
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  • Listening to: The Humbling River
  • Reading: Maybe I should start on Dracula...
  • Watching: The Avengers
  • Playing: Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's Stardust Accelerator
  • Eating: Fish
  • Drinking: water
Just a quick FYI: I've heard that Battleship is absolutely terrible, so instead of going to see Battleship I went to see Dark Shadows today.

Johnny Depp plays an English Man named Barnabas Collins who gets turned into a vampire by a jealous witch. 200 years later he wakes up to find that his family is falling apart and the family business has turned to crap. He sets out to fix the family's woes by reuniting the family, restoring the business, and contend with the witch that cursed him who is- for no reason that is ever explained in the film- still alive 200 years later.

The good news is that the film is fairly funny. The movie basically plays out like a list of good fish-out-of-water and vampire jokes; plus Johnny Depp is his traditional over-the-top self, which is always fun to watch.

The bad news is that the movie has almost no story to speak of. The film's opening line is that blood is thicker than water, and the film straight-out says that it's all about the importance of family. Out of all of the family members: a mother, an uncle, a daughter, a nephew, a psychologist, a butler, and a governess; all of them have five to ten minutes of screen time each. The film says that it's going to talk about the importance of family, and then the family is barely in the movie. Heck; one of the conflicts that is set up at the start of the film- the mother's inability to relate with or control her rebellious teenage daughter- is never developed or built upon though the rest of the movie.

The entire movie is pretty much a one-man show of Barnabas, and even he doesn't have much of a story. He falls in love with the governess, but they only have four extremely brief scenes together and their romance isn't developed at all until the end of the movie when they end up together. Barnabas struggles with the fact that he must kill to survive, but after going through a scene where he says that he's struggling with the fact that he must kill to survive that fundamental internal conflict is scarcely mentioned again. The film sort of kind of hints that Barnabas is going to become a father figure to the nephew of the family, and then that subtext is completely dropped from the movie. Most of the movie is Barnabas telling the witch- who is the most two-dimensional villain I have ever seen- to go screw herself and the witch in turn reminding us that she's evil. You'd think that she would've found something better to do for 200 years than hold a grudge against her old flame, but nope; 200 years later she has still devoted her life to destroying a man that she already turned into a vampire so that he'd be alone for the rest of his life.

Here's probably the prime example of the movie's awful storytelling. One of the main characters is a werewolf. The fact that said character is a werewolf is not even remotely hinted at until the absolute end of the movie when the werewolf literally jumps out of nowhere. I know that this was directed by Tim Burton and storytelling isn't always his strong suit, but that's just amateurish. I suppose that I should have called spoiler alert, but the fact that one of the main characters is a werewolf has absolutely nothing- and I mean NOTHING- to do with the film's story.

Dark Shadows is funny, but that's all that it is. The film makes you laugh because it has Johnny Depp being an over-the-top Johnny Depp, but there's nothing to recommend about the film besides that. I say wait to rent it.

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Comments


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:iconartviewerdwj:
Have you heard of Henshin Justice?
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
I have not.

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:iconartviewerdwj:
It is an interesting website about Kamen Riders and other heros
Here is a [link] to go too.
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
Interesting, but I've never really been into forums.

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsketchfan:
[link]

--
"Don’t try to deceive a Decepticon, Autobot. We are the masters of deception.":Starscream,Transformers Animated.
I adopted a Kanu Unchou chibi from The-Den
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
XD
When you see Vegeta, tell him I said "like a bitch"

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:iconsketchfan:
reeeeeeeeeeeecoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome...

--
"Don’t try to deceive a Decepticon, Autobot. We are the masters of deception.":Starscream,Transformers Animated.
I adopted a Kanu Unchou chibi from The-Den
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVEEEE!

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcanadiancrusader:
Dude how do you put the ______ To things on your journal entries???
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
What do you mean?

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:iconcanadiancrusader:
They Playing, Watching, Eating, Listening To ETC ETC ETC.
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
Oh, that.
Click on the tab marked More Options.

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcanadiancrusader:
Hey this is TheTrueSaberMaster just dropping by to let you know that I made a new account.
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
Alright then.
May I ask why?

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:iconcanadiancrusader:
I don't use SaberMaster anymore so I didn't see the point of having him in my username.
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
Huh; okay then. Totally up to you.

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconslyer0:
Hey I found one very interesting thing in the steel mill
wanna hear what?

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If you have an problem and if you can find them maybe you can hire..The A-team!
-----
[link]
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I also make youtube vids see them on [link]
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
Was it right next to Harley's old costume?

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:iconslyer0:
You saw her pregningcy test too did you?

--
If you have an problem and if you can find them maybe you can hire..The A-team!
-----
[link]
-----
I also make youtube vids see them on [link]
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
I had to look it up before I found it.
If you beat the game on Hero Plus mode, something special happens during the credits.

Go to the boat floating on in the water near the industrial district. Stand on the hatch at the front of the boat and use the cryptographic sequencer. If the password thing doesn't appear, it's the wrong boat. Cycle through passwords and until you get "CityofTerror"

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconjadenwolf:
~JadenWolf Apr 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I was looking trough brickpedia...stumbled into this:
[link]
Figured you'd like as much as I did :D

--
"How 'bout you and me go for, a little ride?"-Jaden.W.

"If you don't stand for something... you'll fall for anything."

"Be polite and politeness will come to you"
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
Oh yeah; that's an awesome picture :D Thanks!

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:icontaiya001:
*Taiya001 Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:XD: This will make you laugh for sure
[link]

--
"Facts are the air of science. Without them a man of science can never rise." - Ivan Pavlov
~~~
"Whoever you pretend to be, you must face yourself eventually." - Al Stewart
Reply
:icondarklordjadow:
:rofl: Yes; that was really funny :laughing:

--
I'm the ghost of Christmas KICK YOUR ASS!
-Deadpool
[link]
Reply
:icontaiya001:
*Taiya001 Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:lol: Knew you would think it is funny


--
"Facts are the air of science. Without them a man of science can never rise." - Ivan Pavlov
~~~
"Whoever you pretend to be, you must face yourself eventually." - Al Stewart
Reply
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